如何更好的生活

　　導(dǎo)語(yǔ)：我們?cè)撛鯓痈�好的生活呢，怎樣才能過(guò)更好的生活呢？看看Robert Waldinger怎么說(shuō)。

　　What keeps us healthy and happy as we go through life? If you were going to invest now in your future best self, where would you put your time and your energy? There was a recent survey of millennials asking them what their most important life goals were, and over 80 percent said that a major life goal for them was to get rich. And another 50 percent of those same young adults said that another major life goal was to become famous.

　　在我們的人生中 是什么讓我們保持健康且幸福呢? 如果現(xiàn)在你可以 為未來(lái)的自己投資 你會(huì)把時(shí)間和精力投資在哪里呢? 最近在千禧一代中有這么一個(gè)調(diào)查 問(wèn)他們生活中最重要的目標(biāo)是什么 超過(guò)80%的人說(shuō) 最大的生活目標(biāo)就是要有錢(qián) 還有50%的年輕人說(shuō) 另一個(gè)重要的生活目標(biāo) 就是要出名

　　And we're constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder and achieve more. We're given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after in order to have a good life. Pictures of entire lives, of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them, those pictures are almost impossible to get. Most of what we know about human life we know from asking people to remember the past, and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20. We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life, and sometimes memory is downright creative.

　　而且我們總是被灌輸 要投入工作，要加倍努力 要成就更多。 我們被灌輸了這樣一種觀念， 只有做到剛才說(shuō)的這些 才能有好日子過(guò)。 要人們縱觀整個(gè)人生， 想象各種選擇， 以及這些選擇最終導(dǎo)致的結(jié)果， 幾乎是不可能的。 關(guān)于人的一生，我們能了解到的， 大部分都是通過(guò)人的回憶得來(lái)， 但眾所周知，大部分都是事后諸葛。 一生中，我們會(huì)忘記很多發(fā)生過(guò)的事情， 而且記憶常常不可靠。

　　But what if we could watch entire lives as they unfold through time? What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers all the way into old age to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?

　　但如果我們可以從頭到尾地 縱觀人的一生呢? 如果我們可以跟蹤研究一個(gè)人， 從他少年時(shí)代開(kāi)始 一直到他步入晚年， 看看究竟是什么讓人們 保持快樂(lè)和健康呢?

　　We did that. The Harvard Study of Adult Development may be the longest study of adult life that's ever been done. For 75 years, we've tracked the lives of 724 men, year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health, and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories were going to turn out.

　　我們做到了。 哈佛大學(xué)(進(jìn)行的)這項(xiàng) 關(guān)于成人發(fā)展的研究， 可能是同類(lèi)研究中耗時(shí)最長(zhǎng)的。 在75年時(shí)間里， 我們跟蹤了724個(gè)人的一生， 年復(fù)一年，了解他們的工作、 家庭生活、健康狀況， 當(dāng)然，在這一過(guò)程中， 我們完全不知道他們的人生 將走向何方。

　　Studies like this are exceedingly rare. Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade because too many people drop out of the study, or funding for the research dries up, or the researchers get distracted, or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field. But through a combination of luck and the persistence of several generations of researchers, this study has survived. About 60 of our original 724 men are still alive, still participating in the study, most of them in their 90s. And we are now beginning to study the more than 2,000 children of these men. And I'm the fourth director of the study.

　　像這樣的研究少之又少。 像這樣的項(xiàng)目幾乎都會(huì)在10年內(nèi)終止， 因?yàn)橛性S多人會(huì)中途退出， 或者是研究資金不足， 或者是研究者轉(zhuǎn)換方向， 或者去世，然后項(xiàng)目無(wú)人接手。 但感謝幸運(yùn)女神的眷顧 和幾代研究人員的堅(jiān)持不懈， 這個(gè)項(xiàng)目存活下來(lái)了。 目前這724人中 仍有60人在世， 仍然在參與研究 大多數(shù)人已經(jīng)90多歲了。 現(xiàn)在我們已經(jīng)開(kāi)始研究 他們的子孫后代， 人數(shù)多達(dá)2000多人。 我是這個(gè)項(xiàng)目的第四任負(fù)責(zé)人。

　　Since 1938, we've tracked the lives of two groups of men. The first group started in the study when they were sophomores at Harvard College. They all finished college during World War II, and then most went off to serve in the war. And the second group that we've followed was a group of boys from Boston's poorest neighborhoods, boys who were chosen for the study specifically because they were from some of the most troubled and disadvantaged families in the Boston of the 1930s. Most lived in tenements, many without hot and cold running water.

　　從1938年起，我們 開(kāi)始跟蹤兩組人的生活。 第一組加入這個(gè)項(xiàng)目的人， 當(dāng)年在哈佛大學(xué)上大二。 他們?cè)诙��?zhàn)期間大學(xué)畢業(yè)， 大部分人都參軍作戰(zhàn)了。 我們追蹤的第二組人 是一群來(lái)自波士頓貧民區(qū)的小男孩， 他們之所以被選中， 主要是因?yàn)樗麄儊?lái)自 20世紀(jì)30年代波士頓 最困難 最貧困的家庭。 大部分住在廉價(jià)公寓里， 很多都沒(méi)有冷熱水供應(yīng)。

　　When they entered the study, all of these teenagers were interviewed. They were given medical exams. We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents. And then these teenagers grew up into adults who entered all walks of life. They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors, one President of the United States. Some developed alcoholism. A few developed schizophrenia. Some climbed the social ladder from the bottom all the way to the very top, and some made that journey in the opposite direction.

　　在加入這個(gè)項(xiàng)目時(shí)， 這些年輕人都接受了面試。 接受了身體檢查。 我們挨家挨戶(hù)走訪了他們的父母。 然后這些年輕人長(zhǎng)大成人， 進(jìn)入到社會(huì)各個(gè)階層。 成為了工人、律師、磚匠、醫(yī)生， 還有一位成了美國(guó)總統(tǒng)。 有人成為酒鬼，有人患了精神分裂。 有人從社會(huì)最底層 一路青云直上， 也有人恰相反，掉落云端。

　　The founders of this study would never in their wildest dreams have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later, telling you that the study still continues. Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff calls up our men and asks them if we can send them yet one more set of questions about their lives.

　　這個(gè)項(xiàng)目的創(chuàng)始人們， 可能做夢(mèng)都不會(huì)想到 75年后的今天，我會(huì)站在這里， 告訴你們這個(gè)項(xiàng)目還在繼續(xù)。 每?jī)赡�，我們耐心而�?zhuān)注的研究人員 會(huì)打電話(huà)給我們的研究對(duì)象， 問(wèn)他們是否愿意 再做一套關(guān)于他們生活的問(wèn)卷。

　　Many of the inner city Boston men ask us, "Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn't that interesting." The Harvard men never ask that question.

　　那些來(lái)自波士頓的人問(wèn)我們， “為什么你們一直想研究我? 我的生活是很無(wú)趣的。” 但哈佛的人從沒(méi)這樣問(wèn)過(guò)。

　　To get the clearest picture of these lives, we don't just send them questionnaires. We interview them in their living rooms. We get their medical records from their doctors. We draw their blood, we scan their brains, we talk to their children. We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns. And when, about a decade ago, we finally asked the wives if they would join us as members of the study, many of the women said, "You know, it's about time."

　　為了更好地了解這些人的生活， 我們不光給他們發(fā)問(wèn)卷。 我們還在他們家客廳采訪他們。 從他們醫(yī)生那兒拿病歷。 抽他們的血，掃描他們的大腦， 跟他們的孩子聊天。 我們拍攝下他們和妻子談話(huà)的場(chǎng)景， 聊的都是他們最關(guān)心的問(wèn)題。 大約在10年前，我們 終于開(kāi)口問(wèn)他們的妻子， 是否愿意加入我們的研究， 很多女士都說(shuō)，“是啊， 終于輪到我們了。”

　　So what have we learned? What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages of information that we've generated on these lives? Well, the lessons aren't about wealth or fame or working harder and harder. The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.

　　那么我們得到了什么結(jié)論呢? 那長(zhǎng)達(dá)幾萬(wàn)頁(yè)的數(shù)據(jù)記錄， 記錄了他們的生活， 我們從這些記錄中間， 到底學(xué)到了什么? 不是關(guān)于財(cái)富、名望， 或更加努力工作。 從75年的研究中， 我們得到的最明確的結(jié)論是： 良好的.人際關(guān)系能 讓人更加快樂(lè)和健康。就這樣。

　　We've learned three big lessons about relationships. The first is that social connections are really good for us, and that loneliness kills. It turns out that people who are more socially connected to family, to friends, to community, are happier, they're physically healthier, and they live longer than people who are less well connected. And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic. People who are more isolated than they want to be from others find that they are less happy, their health declines earlier in midlife, their brain functioning declines sooner and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely. And the sad fact is that at any given time, more than one in five Americans will report that they're lonely.

　　關(guān)于人際關(guān)系，我們得到三大結(jié)論。 第一，社會(huì)關(guān)系對(duì)我們是有益的， 而孤獨(dú)寂寞有害健康。 我們發(fā)現(xiàn)，那些跟家庭成員更親近的人， 更愛(ài)與朋友、與鄰居交往的人， 會(huì)比那些不善交際、離群索居的人， 更快樂(lè)，更健康，更長(zhǎng)壽。 孤獨(dú)寂寞是有害健康的。 那些“被孤立”的人， 跟不孤單的人相比， 往往更加不快樂(lè)， 等他們?nèi)说街心陼r(shí)，健康狀況下降更快， 大腦功能下降得更快， 也沒(méi)那么長(zhǎng)壽。 可惜的是，長(zhǎng)久以來(lái)， 每5個(gè)美國(guó)人中就至少 有1個(gè)聲稱(chēng)自己是孤獨(dú)的。

　　And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd and you can be lonely in a marriage, so the second big lesson that we learned is that it's not just the number of friends you have, and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship, but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters. It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health. High-conflict marriages, for example, without much affection, turn out to be very bad for our health, perhaps worse than getting divorced. And living in the midst of good, warm relationships is protective.

　　而且即便你身在人群中， 甚至已經(jīng)結(jié)婚了， 你還是可能感到孤獨(dú)， 因此我們得到的第二大結(jié)論是 不是你有多少朋友， 也不是你身邊有沒(méi)有伴侶， 真正有影響的是這些關(guān)系的質(zhì)量。 整天吵吵鬧鬧，對(duì)健康是有害的。 比如成天吵架，沒(méi)有愛(ài)的婚姻， 對(duì)健康的影響或許比離婚還大。 而關(guān)系和睦融洽， 則對(duì)我們的健康有益。

　　Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s, we wanted to look back at them at midlife and to see if we could predict who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian and who wasn't. And when we gathered together everything we knew about them at age 50, it wasn't their middle age cholesterol levels that predicted how they were going to grow old. It was how satisfied they were in their relationships. The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age 80. And good, close relationships seem to buffer us from some of the slings and arrows of getting old. Our most happily partnered men and women reported, in their 80s, that on the days when they had more physical pain, their mood stayed just as happy. But the people who were in unhappy relationships, on the days when they reported more physical pain, it was magnified by more emotional pain.

　　當(dāng)我們的研究對(duì)象步入80歲時(shí)， 我們會(huì)回顧他們的中年生活 看我們能否預(yù)測(cè) 哪些人會(huì)在八九十歲時(shí)過(guò)得快樂(lè)健康 哪些人不會(huì)。 我們把他們50歲時(shí)的所有信息 進(jìn)行匯總分析， 發(fā)現(xiàn)決定他們將如何老去的， 并不是他們中年時(shí)的膽固醇水平。 而是他們對(duì)婚姻生活的滿(mǎn)意度。 那些在50歲時(shí)滿(mǎn)意度最高的人， 在80歲時(shí)也是最健康的。 另外，良好和親密的婚姻關(guān)系 能減緩衰老帶來(lái)的痛苦。 參與者中那些最幸福的夫妻告訴我們， 在他們80多歲時(shí)， 哪怕身體出現(xiàn)各種毛病， 他們依舊覺(jué)得日子很幸福。 而那些婚姻不快樂(lè)的人， 身體上會(huì)出現(xiàn)更多不適， 因?yàn)閴那榫w把身體的痛苦放大了。

　　And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health is that good relationships don't just protect our bodies, they protect our brains. It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship to another person in your 80s is protective, that the people who are in relationships where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need, those people's memories stay sharper longer. And the people in relationships where they feel they really can't count on the other one, those are the people who experience earlier memory decline. And those good relationships, they don't have to be smooth all the time. Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other day in and day out, but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other when the going got tough, those arguments didn't take a toll on their memories.

　　關(guān)于婚姻和健康的關(guān)系， 我們得到的第三大結(jié)論是， 幸福的婚姻不單能保護(hù)我們的身體， 還能保護(hù)我們的大腦。 研究發(fā)現(xiàn)，如果在80多歲時(shí)， 你的婚姻生活還溫暖和睦， 你對(duì)自己的另一半 依然信任有加， 知道對(duì)方在關(guān)鍵時(shí)刻能指望得上， 那么你的記憶力都不容易衰退。 而反過(guò)來(lái)， 那些覺(jué)得無(wú)法信任 自己的另一半的人， 記憶力會(huì)更早表現(xiàn)出衰退。 幸福的婚姻，并不意味著從不拌嘴。 有些夫妻，八九十歲了， 還天天斗嘴， 但只要他們堅(jiān)信，在關(guān)鍵時(shí)刻， 對(duì)方能靠得住， 那這些爭(zhēng)吵頂多只是生活的調(diào)味劑。

　　So this message, that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being, this is wisdom that's as old as the hills. Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore? Well, we're human. What we'd really like is a quick fix, something we can get that'll make our lives good and keep them that way. Relationships are messy and they're complicated and the hard work of tending to family and friends, it's not sexy or glamorous. It's also lifelong. It never ends. The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates. Just like the millennials in that recent survey, many of our men when they were starting out as young adults really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement were what they needed to go after to have a good life. But over and over, over these 75 years, our study has shown that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships, with family, with friends, with community.

　　所以請(qǐng)記住， 幸福和睦的婚姻對(duì)健康是有利的， 這是永恒的真理。 但為什么我們總是辦不到呢? 因?yàn)槲覀兪侨祟?lèi)。 我們總喜歡找捷徑， 總想一勞永逸， 找到一種方法，解決所有問(wèn)題。 人際關(guān)系麻煩又復(fù)雜， 與家人、朋友相處需要努力付出， 一點(diǎn)也不高大上。 而且需要一輩子投入，無(wú)窮無(wú)盡。 在我們長(zhǎng)達(dá)75年的研究中， 那些最享受退休生活的人， 是那些主動(dòng)用玩伴 來(lái)替代工作伙伴的人。 就像開(kāi)頭我說(shuō)過(guò)的千禧一代一樣， 我們跟蹤研究的很多人 在年輕的時(shí)候 堅(jiān)信名望、財(cái)富和成就 是他們過(guò)上好日子的保證。 但在75年的時(shí)間里， 我們的研究一次次地證明， 日子過(guò)得最好的， 是那些主動(dòng)與人交往的人， 與家人、朋友或者鄰居。

　　So what about you? Let's say you're 25, or you're 40, or you're 60. What might leaning in to relationships even look like?

　　那么你們呢? 也許你現(xiàn)在25歲， 或者40歲，或者60歲。 怎樣才算主動(dòng)與人交往呢?

　　Well, the possibilities are practically endless. It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together, long walks or date nights, or reaching out to that family member who you haven't spoken to in years, because those all-too-common family feuds take a terrible toll on the people who hold the grudges.

　　嗯，我想有很多種方法吧。 最簡(jiǎn)單的，別再跟屏幕聊天了， 去跟人聊天， 或者一起嘗試些新事物， 讓關(guān)系恢復(fù)活力， 一起散個(gè)步呀，晚上約個(gè)會(huì)呀， 或者給多年未曾聯(lián)系的親戚打個(gè)電話(huà)， 因?yàn)檫@種家庭不和睦太常見(jiàn)了， 但它帶來(lái)的傷害又很大， 尤其對(duì)那些喜歡 生悶氣的人來(lái)說(shuō)更是如此。

　　I'd like to close with a quote from Mark Twain. More than a century ago, he was looking back on his life, and he wrote this: "There isn't time, so brief is life, for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that."

　　我想引用馬克•吐溫的一段話(huà)來(lái)作為結(jié)束。 一個(gè)多世紀(jì)前， 他回首自己的人生， 寫(xiě)下這樣一段話(huà)： “時(shí)光荏苒，生命短暫， 別將時(shí)間浪費(fèi)在 爭(zhēng)吵、道歉、傷心和責(zé)備上。 用時(shí)間去愛(ài)吧， 哪怕只有一瞬間，也不要辜負(fù)。”

　　The good life is built with good relationships.

　　美好人生，從良好的人際關(guān)系開(kāi)始。

　　Thank you.

　　謝謝大家。

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