研究表明，一個(gè)人的人際關(guān)系好壞和他平時(shí)的說(shuō)話習(xí)慣是高度相關(guān)的。老話說(shuō)得好，禍從口出，糟糕的說(shuō)話方式很容易破壞你平日里精心培養(yǎng)起來(lái)的人際關(guān)系。看看以下的6種說(shuō)話的禁忌有沒(méi)有在你身上發(fā)生吧。

 

 

1. The Fake Agreement:Pretending to agree while expressing the opposite point of view.

 

1.虛假認(rèn)同：假裝認(rèn)同別人的同時(shí)卻表現(xiàn)出相反的觀點(diǎn)。

 

Typical usage: “I'm with you… but I just don’t think we should take on that project.”

 

經(jīng)典語(yǔ)句：“我很贊同你的觀點(diǎn)……不過(guò)我不認(rèn)為我們應(yīng)該采用那個(gè)項(xiàng)目。”

 

In reality you aren't really with me because then you would agree with what I’m saying. (Plus beginning a sentence with something like, “I hear you…” is like a condescendingpat on the head.)

 

事實(shí)是你根本不同意我，因?yàn)椴还芪艺f(shuō)什么你都會(huì)說(shuō)你同意。（補(bǔ)充一句，如果一句話用“我聽(tīng)說(shuō)你……”這樣的語(yǔ)句來(lái)開(kāi)頭的話，聽(tīng)上去就好像上級(jí)拍著下級(jí)的`腦袋在講話一樣。）

 

Don’t try to couch a different opinion inside a warm and fuzzyFake Agreement. If you disagree, just say so professionally.

 

不要試著把不同的意見(jiàn)硬裝在一句友善的、模棱兩可的贊同中。你要是不同意，就直接正式地說(shuō)出來(lái)。

 

2. The Unsupported Closure: Ending a discussion or making a decision without backup or solid justification.

 

2.缺乏支持的結(jié)束語(yǔ)：做出缺乏支持和有力證據(jù)的總結(jié)或決定。

 

Typical usage: “At the end of the day, we’re here to sell products.”

 

經(jīng)典語(yǔ)句：“在今天的最后，我們?yōu)榱虽N售產(chǎn)品走到了這一步。”

 

Really? I had no idea we’re supposed to sell products!

 

真的嗎？我根本不知道我們?cè)瓉?lái)是要銷售產(chǎn)品啊！

 

The Unsupported Closure is the go-to move for people who want something a certain way and cannot or do not feel like explaining why. Whenever you feel one coming on, take a deep breath and start over; otherwise you’ll spoutinane platitudes instead of objective reasons that may actually help your employees get behind your decision.

 

這種缺乏支持的結(jié)束語(yǔ)是說(shuō)話人的一種強(qiáng)迫他人接受的說(shuō)法。他希望某件事要以某種方式發(fā)展，但卻無(wú)法或是不愿解釋為什么。每當(dāng)你想到一個(gè)什么點(diǎn)子的時(shí)候，最好作個(gè)深呼吸然后開(kāi)始講述；不然你只會(huì)吐出大量毫無(wú)意義的陳詞濫調(diào)，而不是能夠幫到雇員們理解你的決定的那些客觀原因。

 

Quick note: A Fake Agreement combines nicely with an Unjustified Closure: “I hear what you’re saying, but at the end of the day revenue concerns must come first.” Win-win!

 

順便一提：虛假認(rèn)同和缺乏支持的結(jié)束語(yǔ)簡(jiǎn)直是天作之合：“我聽(tīng)說(shuō)你講的話了，不過(guò)在今天的最后還是應(yīng)該先考慮收入問(wèn)題。”瞧，簡(jiǎn)直是雙贏啊！

 

3. The False Uncertainty:Pretending you’re not sure when in fact you really are.

 

3.假裝不確定：假裝你對(duì)某件事不確定，但實(shí)際上你非常確定。

 

Typical usage: “You know, when I think about it... I’m not so sure shutting down that facilityisn’t the best option after all.”

 

經(jīng)典語(yǔ)句：“你知道，當(dāng)我仔細(xì)思考的時(shí)候……我不確定把那個(gè)工廠關(guān)掉是不是最好的選擇。”

 

Oh, you’re sure; you’re just trying to create buy-in or a sense of inclusion by pretending you still have an open mind… or you’re planting seeds for something you know you will eventually do.

 

噢，你根本就知道��；你這只是為了假裝你仍然覺(jué)得模棱兩可罷了……或者你正在為你知道你最終會(huì)做的某件事情埋下伏筆而已。

 

Never say you aren’t sure unless you really aren't sure... and are truly willing to consider other viewpoints.

 

只要你不是真的不確定，而且真的愿意考慮其他人的想法，就永遠(yuǎn)都別說(shuō)不確定……

 

4. The First Person Theoretical: Pretending to be another person in order to explore different points of view.

 

4.第一人稱假設(shè)：為了尋求不同的看法假設(shè)自己是另一個(gè)人

 

Typical usage: “Let’s say I’m the average customer and I walk in your store and want to buy a shirt...”

 

經(jīng)典語(yǔ)句：“假設(shè)我是一個(gè)普通的消費(fèi)者，我走進(jìn)你的商店想要買(mǎi)件襯衫……”

 

You can get away with this one occasionally, but more than that is really irritating.

 

偶爾作出這種假設(shè)是可以的，但要是不停地這么說(shuō)，就真的很讓人惱火。

 

Don't believe me? Let’s say I’m the average reader and I know someone who uses the First Person Theoretical to pretend he's putting himself in another person's shoes. And let’s say I’m thinking it’s really irritating. And let’s say I’m…

 

不相信我的說(shuō)法？那我們假設(shè)我是個(gè)普通的讀者，我認(rèn)識(shí)一位經(jīng)常使用第一人稱假設(shè)的人來(lái)表現(xiàn)自己善于換位思考的人。假設(shè)我覺(jué)得那非常惱人，假設(shè)我……

 

Let's just say I’m thinking we should move on.

 

假設(shè)我覺(jué)得我們?cè)摾^續(xù)下一個(gè)話題了。

 

5. The Favorite Phrase:Using a phrase so often that word is all anyone can hear.

 

5.語(yǔ)癖：總是重復(fù)地說(shuō)同一個(gè)詞語(yǔ)，搞得大家除了這個(gè)詞外什么都聽(tīng)不進(jìn)。

 

Typical usage: Any phrase that gets hammered to death. Here's an example.

 

經(jīng)典語(yǔ)句：任何那些被人用爛了的詞語(yǔ)。下面舉個(gè)例子。

 

I knew someone who never met a sentence he couldn’t find a way to shoehornin a random “in other words,” "as it relates to," or “in general.” Often he could cramall three into the same sentence multiple times.

 

我認(rèn)識(shí)一個(gè)人，他說(shuō)的每句話都可以被他硬塞進(jìn)諸如“換句話說(shuō)”、“提到……”或“通常而言”之類的套話。而且他經(jīng)�？梢栽谕�一句話里多次使用所有這三種表達(dá)形式。

 

Fall in love with a word or expression and not only do other people tire of it, they start to hear nothing else. Then whatever you hoped to get across gets lost as they think, “Oh jeez, for once could he leave out the ‘that’s neither here nor there’”?

 

當(dāng)你愛(ài)上使用某個(gè)詞或是表達(dá)方式的時(shí)候，人們不但會(huì)對(duì)它感到厭煩，他們也開(kāi)始聽(tīng)不進(jìn)別的東西。于是，不管你希望讓他們明白什么，他們都不會(huì)聽(tīng)進(jìn)去。“噢天哪，他什么時(shí)候可以不要說(shuō)‘非此即彼’這個(gè)詞了啊。”

 

Ask someone if you overuse a word, phrase, or figure of speech. At first they’ll look uncomfortable and try to avoid answering. Insist.

 

問(wèn)問(wèn)別人你有沒(méi)有過(guò)度使用一個(gè)詞、句子、或是修辭。一開(kāi)始他們會(huì)覺(jué)得不舒服，并且嘗試不作回應(yīng)，堅(jiān)持聽(tīng)下去。

 

Eventually they’ll tell you, and I guarantee you’ll never do it again.

 

但最終他們一定會(huì)告訴你，而且我保證你永遠(yuǎn)都不會(huì)再那么做了。

 

6. The Double Name: Using a person’s name twice (worst case using your own name twice) in the same sentence as a way to justify unusual or unacceptable behavior.

 

6.兩次提到同一個(gè)名字：在一句話中兩次提到一個(gè)人的名字（最糟糕的情況是兩次提到你自己的名字），期望以此來(lái)糾正別人反常的或是令你無(wú)法接受的行為。

 

Typical usage: “What can I say?" Shrug. "That’s just Joe being Joe.” (Worse, “Hey, that’s just me being me.”)

 

經(jīng)典語(yǔ)句：“我還能說(shuō)些什么呢？”聳聳肩，“Joe終歸是Joe啊。”（更糟糕的是，“嘿，我就是我現(xiàn)在這個(gè)樣子啊。”）

 

Whenever you use the double name you’re actually excusing behavior you would not tolerate from someone else.

 

無(wú)論何時(shí)你用了這種說(shuō)法，你都是在為一種你自己無(wú)法容忍別人那樣做的行為辯護(hù)。

 

And everyone knows it.

 

而且大家都知道。