雙語美文：媽媽 我愛你
Mom's eyesight was 1)deteriorating, but I didn't know just how bad it had gotten until I saw her stooped in the one-bedroom 2)in-law apartment attached to our house, reaching to pick up something off the floor. She grabbed at it, then studied her empty thumb and forefinger with a puzzled expression. Again she tried to pinch the glimmering spot on her living-room rug. Nothing. Frowning, she turned to me. Behind the thick lens of her glasses her blue-green eyes 3)clouded with concern. “Mom,” I said, “it's just a patch of sunlight.” She shook her head, 4)wary to admit something was wrong. That much I could be grateful for. Her attitude was always positive, even determined. She 5)took the challenges of getting old in stride.
媽媽的視力在逐漸惡化，但是我不知道情況已經(jīng)有多嚴重，直到我看見她在挨著我們房子、租來的一室一廳公寓里彎下腰去撿掉在地上的東西。她伸手捻抓，然后用疑惑的表情打量著自己那空空如也的拇指和食指。然后，她再試圖去捏起客廳地毯上閃閃發(fā)光的物體。什么也沒有。她皺著眉頭望向我。透過厚厚的眼鏡片，她那藍綠色的眼睛滿是擔(dān)憂。“媽媽，那只是一點光斑。”我說道。她搖搖頭，若有所思地承認有些事情不對勁。對這一點我應(yīng)該心存感激。她的態(tài)度一直是積極的，甚至是堅定的。她泰然自若地應(yīng)對著慢慢變老的挑戰(zhàn)。
Back when she first moved in with u I didn't know what it would be like. She was in her late 70 fiercely independent, and I was a mom raising two kids in the suburbs. We hadn't lived under the same roof since I left for college. We were unalike in so many ways. She was 6)disorganized and spontaneous; I was a bit of a control 7)freak. My idea of fun as a girl was 8)alphabetizing the books in my bedroom while she loved to spend a whole afternoon shopping, especially if there was a 9)sale. I thought it was an incredible waste of an afternoon. In junior high I insisted that my shirt and skirt had to match exactly. “Don't be afraid to mix things up,” Mom would say. “Everything doesn't have to match.” Oh, ye it did. But all that was long ago. What would it be like having her right here with us? She liked to entertain friends 10)at the drop of a hat. She loved it when people dropped in unexpectedly for tea and a chat. I liked 11)having company too, but I preferred advance notice. Twenty-four hours. Minimum.
回想起她剛搬進來與我們一同生活的時候，我不知道會是什么狀況。那時她將近80歲，非常獨立;而我，是一個在郊區(qū)撫養(yǎng)著兩個孩子的母親。自我上大學(xué)起，我們便沒有生活在同一個屋檐下。我們在很多方面都不相像。她沒有條理，為人隨性;而我是個控制狂。我還小的時候，覺得最有樂趣的就是將臥室里的書按照字母順序排列起來，而她則喜歡花上一整個下午逛街，特別是在有特賣會的時候。我覺得那真是白白浪費了一個下午。初中時，我堅持襯衫和裙子一定要完全搭配。“別擔(dān)心混搭混穿，”媽媽會說，“不必把所有東西都匹配起來。”噢，才不呢，必須相配。但那已經(jīng)是很久之前的事情了�，F(xiàn)在如果她和我們住一起，會變成什么樣呢?她喜歡即興招待朋友，很喜歡朋友不期而至地到家里喝茶聊天。我也很喜歡有人相伴，但是我更喜歡提前打個招呼。至少提前24小時。
At least her apartment adjoining our house had its own kitchen, its own bathroom and its own entries. It makes sense to have her move in, I told myself. We could get right to her if there were some emergency. Still, I wondered. After so many years apart, we were such different people. And she was so independent. We made sure Mom had her own mailbox and phone, and soon she had her own friends. I could hear their laughter through the wall and the sound of the whistling teakettle. I could peek through the window and see the table she had set for her bridge group, mixing the different patterns of china and 12)glassware. So like Mom. For a moment I wished I could be so creative.
至少她那間公寓毗鄰我們的房子，有獨立的廚房、浴室和入口。我告訴自己，讓她搬進來是明智的。如果有緊急情況，我們可以馬上趕到她身邊。不過，我仍然很疑惑。分開這么多年，我們是如此不同的人。而且她又是那么獨立。我們確保媽媽有她自己的信箱和電話，而她很快也擁有了自己的朋友。透過墻壁，我能聽到他們的笑聲和茶壺水開的哨音。透過窗戶，我看到她為牌友們擺設(shè)的桌子，上面擺著不同圖案的瓷器和玻璃器皿。這才是媽媽的作風(fēng)。此時此刻，我希望我也能如此有創(chuàng)意。
We found ways to help her deal with her 13)macular degeneration. My husband, Tom, installed bright 14)halogen lights in her living room. My sister, Laurie, sent away for a special telephone with big-print numbers. We used colorful plastic 15)adhesive buttons to identify the proper settings on her 16)thermostat and microwave. Then came that morning I saw her picking a spot of sunlight off the floor. “Maybe I need more help than I thought,” Mom said. I took a deep breath. “Ye” I said, “I guess so.” I should have been prepared for thi but I wasn't. I thought things could stay as they were. Mom was going blind, and the doctors said nothing more could be done. I retreated to my kitchen and said a prayer for strength.
我們尋找了很多方法去幫助她對抗視網(wǎng)膜黃斑變性疾病。我的丈夫湯姆，在她的客廳里安裝了明亮的鹵素?zé)�。我的妹妹勞里給媽媽郵購了帶有大號字母的特制電話。我們把彩色的塑料粘性按鈕貼在她的恒溫器和微波爐上，方便她識別出正確的設(shè)置。然后那天早上，我看到她去撿拾地上的陽光。媽媽說：“也許我比自己想象中需要更多的幫助。”我深深地吸了一口氣。“是的，”我說，“我想是的。”我應(yīng)該事先做好心理準(zhǔn)備，但是我沒有。我以為事情仍然可以像之前一樣。媽媽快要失明了，醫(yī)生說沒有什么可以做的了。我躲進廚房里祈禱，祈求自己能堅強面對。
Then I set out to find a whole new set of resources. I discovered that our town provided a free service called the “GetAbout” van for seniors who needed transportation. My sister 17)pitched in with frequent visits and trips with Mom to the city. And all those friends whose laughter I heard through the wall…they were only too glad to help. Life took on a sense of new normal. Soon I could hear the teakettle sing on the other side of the wall. Once, after an afternoon with her friend Mom came to me, giggling. “The girls had me sit on the floor. They wanted to watch me get up on my own. They couldn't believe I was so 18)limber.” I could hear the 19)note of pride in her voice. Would I have gotten down on the floor in front of my friends just to prove a point?
然后，我開始去尋找一整套全新的方案。我發(fā)現(xiàn)，我們的小鎮(zhèn)提供一項稱為“出行小巴”的免費服務(wù)，接載需要出行的老人。我妹妹則更常來看媽媽，還時常帶她到城里參觀旅游。那些笑聲透過墻壁傳到我耳中的朋友們……他們非常樂于提供幫助。生活呈現(xiàn)出一種新的常態(tài)。不久，我能聽到墻的另一邊傳來茶壺的“歌聲”。有一次，與她的朋友們度過一個下午后，媽媽來找我，咯咯地笑著說：“那些女孩們讓我坐在地板上。她們想要看我憑自己的力量站起來。他們不敢相信我還非常靈活。”我能聽出她聲音里的自豪感。我會不會僅僅為了證明這一點而在我的朋友面前坐在地板上呢?
“You know,” Mom continued, “losing your sight isn't so bad. When you can't see the wrinkle everyone looks beautiful!” I looked at her and wondered if I could ever be so accepting of such a 20)scary thing as losing my eyesight. What I once saw as Mom's disorganization now seemed to be an incredible 21)flexibility, a gift for rolling with life's punche of adapting.
“你知道”，媽媽繼續(xù)說，“失明并沒有那么糟糕。當(dāng)你看不到皺紋時，每個人看上去都很美!”我看著她，想象著我能不能接受失明這么一件可怕的事情。我以前會覺得媽媽行事毫無章法，如今這看來似乎是一種驚人的適應(yīng)性，一種隨遇而安的天賦。
A few weeks before Christmas in 2002, Mom complained of shortness of breath. The 22)internist sent us to the 23)cardiologist who sent Mom to get an 24)echocardiogram. In the examination room I guided Mom's thin arms through the 25)gaping holes of a huge blue paper gown. How tiny and frail she looked. When had she gotten so old? I wondered. Mom had 26)congestive heart failure. She wasn't a good candidate for 27)heart valve replacement surgery. “But with proper 28)medication,” the cardiologist said, “she should be able to live another two or three years.” Two or three year I thought in dismay. That's so little time!
2002年圣誕節(jié)前的數(shù)周，媽媽抱怨說感到呼吸短促。內(nèi)科醫(yī)生讓我們?nèi)フ倚呐K病專家，然后專家讓媽媽去做個超聲波心動圖。在檢查室里，我?guī)蛬寢尠阉鞘萑醯氖直鄞┻^大大的藍色紙制罩袍的'袖口。她看起來如此的瘦小和虛弱。我想知道，她什么時候變得這么老了?媽媽有充血性心力衰竭。她不適合做心臟瓣膜置換手術(shù)。心臟病專家說：“但配合適當(dāng)?shù)乃幬镏委�，她可以再活兩三年�?rdquo;兩年或三年，我沮喪地想。多么短的時間啊!
Each morning I peeked through the blinds of Mom's back door and watched her tiny shoulders and chest rise and fall as she slept. How I dreaded the morning that I would find that she wasn't moving. Daily I 29)braced myself for that moment, knowing it had to come. I told myself it would be a 30)blessing if Mom could simply die peacefully in her sleep. Yet I dreaded it. But what was it I dreaded? Her death? Or that sense of being dissimilar that I was still trying to shake?
每天早晨，透過母親后門的百葉窗，我看著她纖細的肩膀和睡著時胸部的起伏。我多么懼怕某天早晨我會發(fā)現(xiàn)她不動了。我知道那天必然來臨，因此我每天都為那一刻做好準(zhǔn)備。我告訴自己，如果媽媽可以在睡夢中平靜地離開，那將會是一種福祉。然而，我感到恐懼。我在恐懼什么?她的離去?或者是我仍然想要擺脫的不相似感?
On a Monday night in August our family gathered around Mom in her hospital bed. Her grandchildren hugged her goodbye. Mom nodded. She was still with us. Mom's lips moved ever so slightly. I bent my head closer. “Help me,” she whispered. “We're here, Mom,” I squeezed her hand tightly. Her breathing was so slow. “Help me,” she said again. Help you? I looked to my sister and Tom. How could we help her? We'd done everything the doctors said we could. Then, suddenly, I understood. Tears ran down my cheeks. “We're here, Mom. I love you. It's all right.” Her breathing grew 31)shallow. Breaths came farther apart…
八月的一個周一晚上，我們一家人聚集在媽媽的病床邊。她的孫子們抱著她，與她告別。媽媽點點頭。她仍然和我們在一起。媽媽的嘴唇微微顫動著。我把頭靠近她。“幫幫我，”她低聲說。“媽媽，我們都在這里，”我緊緊地握著她的手。她的呼吸是如此緩慢。“幫幫我”，她又說了一遍。幫幫你?我望向我的妹妹和湯姆。我們要怎樣才能幫助她?我們做了醫(yī)生告訴我們所能做的一切事情。然后，突然之間，我明白了。淚水順著我的臉頰滑了下來。“我們都在這里，媽媽。我愛你。一切都好。”她的呼吸變得越來越微弱，越來越遠……
Even now, as her soul was leaving u I felt something incredible. In the space between those final breaths that distance I'd always imagined between my mother and me evaporated until I felt as close to her as I'd ever felt to any human being. Finally there was no breath. Mom was gone. We spent the rest of that night talking and 32)reminiscing about Mom. Later as I was falling asleep I thought about how different I'd felt from her when I was young. But now something unexpected and spontaneous crept into my mind. Tomorrow I would go to one of the sales that Mom so loved and shop for just the right dress to wear to her funeral—all afternoon, if necessary.
哪怕是現(xiàn)在，她的靈魂離開了我們，我仍然覺得有些事情難以置信。在那最后的幾聲呼吸里，我一直想象的存在于我與母親之間的那段距離消失了，我感覺與她像與其他人一樣親近。最后，媽媽停止了呼吸。媽媽走了。那天晚上余下的時間里，我們一起談?wù)摵突貞泲寢�。隨后，將要入睡時，我回想起自己年輕的時候?qū)寢尩目捶ㄅc現(xiàn)在是多么不同。但是現(xiàn)在，一些意想不到的想法自然而然地出現(xiàn)在我腦海。明天我會去媽媽最愛去的特賣會，買一件適合參加她葬禮的衣服——如果有必要的話，我會花上一整個下午。
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