懂得放棄 生活更美好

　　A few years ago I was like some of you reading this overextended, overworked, and deeply unhappy about it.

　　幾年前，我就像正在閱讀本文的一些讀者一樣，身體透支、工作勞累，心中郁悶至極。

　　I was a young psychology professor desperately seeking tenure, with two toddlers at home and a husband whose work kept him away for days at a time. I exercised once a week on a good week, rarely saw my friends or extended family, and couldn't remember the last time I'd read a book that wasn't about statistics. It was just too much. Something had to give. And it did. I left my job, not knowing exactly what I was going to do next. It was the toughest decision I've ever made, but it was also one of the best.

　　當(dāng)時(shí)，我是一名渴求終身教職的年輕心理學(xué)教授，家里有兩個(gè)在學(xué)步期的孩子，丈夫常常需要出差，而且一走就是好幾天。運(yùn)氣好的時(shí)候我每周能鍛煉一次，很少有機(jī)會(huì)跟朋友或其他家人碰面，甚至已經(jīng)不記得上一次閱讀跟統(tǒng)計(jì)無關(guān)的書籍是什么時(shí)候了。我已經(jīng)不堪重負(fù)，必須要有所放棄。而我也確實(shí)這樣做了。我辭掉了工作，茫然不知下一步要做什么。這是我做過的最艱難的一個(gè)決定，但也是最好的決定之一。

　　As a psychologist who studies motivation, I spend a lot of time trying to figure out why people give up too soon when trying to reach a goal. But the truth is, a lot of us suffer from the opposite problem: not knowing when, or how, to quit. We take on too many projects and commitments, and end up turning in 10 mediocre jobs instead of one or two stellar performances.

　　Getty Images哪些目標(biāo)應(yīng)該堅(jiān)持而哪些又該放棄呢?作為研究動(dòng)機(jī)理論的心理學(xué)家，我花了很多時(shí)間試圖弄明白為什么有些人在朝一個(gè)目標(biāo)努力的過程中會(huì)那么容易輕言放棄。但事實(shí)上，我們當(dāng)中很多人都會(huì)困惑于一個(gè)相反的問題：不確定應(yīng)該何時(shí)或者如何放棄。我們擔(dān)負(fù)了太多的事項(xiàng)和承諾，最終完成的是一大堆庸庸碌碌的工作，而沒能做出讓人眼前一亮的成就。

　　To be sure, quitting a job may not be an option for many, but most of us surround ourselves with plenty of unofficial projects that may not be worth pursuing.

　　當(dāng)然，辭職對(duì)很多人來說或許并不合適，但我們中的大多數(shù)人都常常會(huì)不自覺地?fù)?dān)負(fù)很多也許并不值得去做的閑雜事項(xiàng)。

　　So, why is it so hard to throw in the towel, even when on some level you know you should? For one thing, it's embarrassing to admit to others that you've bitten off more than you can chew, or that you've made an error of judgment. No one likes to be thought of as a 'quitter.' For another, quitting means contemplating the sunk costs -- all the time and energy that you've already put into reaching your goal that you can never get back.

　　那么，為什么人們很難主動(dòng)放棄或者認(rèn)輸，哪怕自己心里已經(jīng)感到力有不逮?首先，要向別人坦承自己力不從心或判斷失誤是很沒面子的事情。沒有人愿意被扣上“半途而廢”的帽子。其次，放棄意味著只能接受已經(jīng)發(fā)生的沉沒成本──也就是你為了實(shí)現(xiàn)目標(biāo)已經(jīng)付出、無法收回的所有時(shí)間和精力。

　　Of course, once you realize that you probably won't succeed, or that success isn't worth the unhappiness your project is causing you, it shouldn't matter what the sunk costs are. If your job, your advanced degree, or your unfinished novel has taken up some of the best years of your life, it doesn't make sense to give them even more years. That will only make you miserable.

　　當(dāng)然，一旦你意識(shí)到自己可能不會(huì)成功，或者這份成功抵不過你所經(jīng)受的不快，那么多少沉沒成本都無所謂了。即便你的工作、你的高等學(xué)位或者你未寫完的`小說已經(jīng)消耗了你生命當(dāng)中最美好的一些年華，也沒有理由再讓它們繼續(xù)消耗下去，否則你只會(huì)痛苦不堪。

　　But that doesn't make walking away any easier. So here's a simple game plan for cutting your losses.

　　但了解這些并不意味著就能很容易做出放棄的決定。下面提供了一個(gè)簡(jiǎn)單的行動(dòng)方案，也許有助你理性“止損”。

　　At the outset:

　　邁出第一步：

　　Figure out which goal has to go. It might be obvious, but most of the time it won't be, so you'll need to really give some serious thought to your priorities. What matters most to you? And, just as important, what makes you feel effective and fulfilled? Anything that doesn't, might need to get the boot.

　     確定哪個(gè)才是必須實(shí)現(xiàn)的目標(biāo)。有時(shí)候答案也許很明顯，但大多數(shù)時(shí)候并非如此，因此你需要仔細(xì)斟酌自己的優(yōu)先事項(xiàng)。到底什么對(duì)你才是最重要的?還有，什么能讓你動(dòng)力十足、有滿足感?任何答案為否的事項(xiàng)或許都應(yīng)該被踢出局。

　　 Be confident. You'll want to know that you are giving up your goal for the right reasons, so ask yourself these two questions:

　　 保持自信。你一定希望確保自己的放棄理由充足，那就思忖一下這兩個(gè)問題：

　　(a)What do I need to reach this goal, and can I get what I need? Look at the whole picture. If successfully reaching this goal means more time and effort than you can spare without sacrificing other important goals, you may need to walk away. (Maybe you can't work 50 hours a week, spend time with your kids, and write that screenplay, and that's OK.)

　　(a) 要達(dá)成這個(gè)目標(biāo)我需要些什么，能不能得到所需要的東西?不妨跳出來想想大局。如果成功達(dá)成這個(gè)目標(biāo)所需要的時(shí)間和精力會(huì)迫使你犧牲其它一些更重要的目標(biāo)，那么也許你就該適時(shí)收手。(也許你無法一周既要工作50個(gè)小時(shí)，又要花時(shí)間陪孩子，又要寫劇本，那就是時(shí)候了。)

　　(b)Will reaching this goal cost me too much? Will it make me unhappy? Sometimes the problem isn't limited time and energy, it's that you really don't like what you're doing as much as you thought you would. You find the process of reaching the goal boring, frustrating, or unrewarding. Circumstances change, and it's OK for your goals to change too.

　　(b) 要達(dá)成這個(gè)目標(biāo)代價(jià)會(huì)不會(huì)太高?會(huì)令我感到不快嗎?有時(shí)候問題并不在于時(shí)間或者精力，而是你并不像自己原來以為的那樣喜歡現(xiàn)在所做的事情。你發(fā)現(xiàn)實(shí)現(xiàn)目標(biāo)的過程乏味不堪、令人沮喪甚至根本不值得。形勢(shì)變了，目標(biāo)也應(yīng)該作出改變。

　　Once you've made up your mind that quitting is right move:

　　決定舍棄后：

　　Stop dwelling on the past. When regrets about sunk costs creep into your thinking, have a replacement thought ready, one that focuses on everything you gain from walking away and moving on. (Example: If I feel guilty about giving up on my unfinished novel, then I'll remember how good it feels to have more time on the weekends with my kids.)

　　拋開過去向前看。不要再糾結(jié)于失去的沉沒成本，想想別的事情，將注意力集中到毅然放棄和向前邁進(jìn)會(huì)給你帶來的收獲上。(例如：當(dāng)我對(duì)放棄未寫完的小說感到內(nèi)疚時(shí)，就會(huì)去想周末有更多時(shí)間陪孩子的美好感覺。)

　　Replace the goal with one that does work for you. To keep yourself moving forward and feeling satisfied with your choice, give some thought to what you will do instead. If you just don't have the time to write a 600-page novel, is there some other way you could express your thoughts and creativity that you do have time for, like blogging?

　　改成更適合自己的目標(biāo)。要保持前進(jìn)的動(dòng)力，讓自己對(duì)所做的選擇感到滿意，就想想你接下來將做的事情吧。要是沒有時(shí)間去寫600頁的長(zhǎng)篇小說，可不可以換成其它更省時(shí)間但同樣能夠表達(dá)思想和創(chuàng)意的途徑，比如寫博客?

　　Learning to know when to fold 'em is essential for your well-being, and ultimately for your personal and professional success, too. When you can give up on a goal that isn't working, you'll be freeing up the valuable resources you need to make the most of the goals you do pursue the ones really worth pursuing.

　　要想幸福，并且在生活和事業(yè)上取得成功，學(xué)會(huì)適時(shí)取舍至關(guān)重要。放棄不合適的目標(biāo)，你才能集中更多寶貴的資源，全力以赴去追求真正值得追求的目標(biāo)。

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