If Only I had Known
Thomas Carlyle lived from 1795 until 1881. He was a Scot essayist and historian. During his lifetime he became one of the world"s greatest writers. But he was a human and humans make mistakes.
On October 17, 1826, Carlyle married his secretary Jane Welsh. She was an intelligent, attractive and somewhat temperamental daughter of a well-to-do doctor. They had their quarrels and misunderstandings, but still loved each other dearly.
After their marriage, Jane continued to serve as his secretary. But, after several years of marriage, Jane became ill. Being a hard worker, Carlyle became so absorbed in his writings that he let Jane continue working for several weeks after she became ill. She had cancer, and though it was one of the slow growing kind, she finally became confined to her bed. Although Carlyle loved her dearly, he very seldom found time to stay with her long. He was busy with his work.
When Jane died they carried her to the cemetery for the service. The day was a miserable day. It was raining hard and the mud was deep. Following the funeral Carlyle went back to his home. He was taking it pretty hard. He went up the stairs to Jane"s room and sat down in the chair next to her bed. He sat there thinking about how little time he had spent with her and wishing so much he had a chance to do it differently. Noticing her diary on a table beside the bed, he picked it up and began to read it. Suddenly he seemed shocked. He saw it. There, on one page, she had written a single line. "Yesterday he spent an hour with me and it was like heaven; I love him so."
Something dawned on him that he had not noticed before. He had been too busy to notice that he meant so much to her. He thought of all the times he had gone about his work without thinking about and noticing her. Then Carlyle turned the page in the diary. There he noticed she had written some words that broke his heart. "I have listened all day to hear his steps in the hall, but now it is late and I guess he won"t come today."
Carlyle read a little more in the book. Then he threw it down and ran out of the house. Some of his friends found him at the grave, his face buried in the mud. His eyes were red from weeping. Tears continued to roll down his cheeks. He kept repeating over and over again, "If I had only known, if I had only known." But it was too late for Carlyle. She was dead.
After Jane"s death, Carlyle made little attempt to write again. The historians say he lived another 15 years, "weary, bored and a partial recluse." I share the story with in the hope that you will not make the same mistake. While our loved ones must have the money we make to live, it is the love we have that they really want. Give it now before it is too late.
托馬斯·卡萊爾(1795——1881)是蘇格蘭的散文家和歷史學(xué)家，也是世界上一流的作家。但無論這位作家有多么地了不起，他畢竟也是一個凡人，凡人就免不了會犯錯誤。
在1826年，10月17日，卡萊爾與他的秘書簡·威爾斯結(jié)了婚。簡的父親是一位非常富有的醫(yī)生，她聰明、美麗，但就是有點喜怒無常。雖然夫婦倆不時也會吵吵架，但感情還是蠻好的。
結(jié)了婚后，簡仍給卡萊爾當(dāng)秘書�？墒菐啄旰�，簡卻病倒了。但簡還是繼續(xù)帶病工作了好幾周，由于卡萊爾對寫作非常地投入，所以，他并沒有阻止簡。簡得的是癌癥，雖然發(fā)作得比較慢，但最終，她還是病倒在床。盡管卡萊爾非常地愛簡，但因為忙于工作，他很少抽時間來陪簡。
簡死后，她的親朋好友都到她的墓地參加葬禮。那是一個悲痛的日子。天上下著滂沱大雨，道路泥濘不堪。葬禮后，卡萊爾回到家里，心情非常沉重。他爬上樓梯，來到簡的房間，坐在她床邊的椅子上�；叵肫鹱约汉苌俪闀r間陪伴愛侶，卡萊爾非常地后悔，恨不得時間可以倒流。
卡萊爾瞥見桌上放著簡的日記本，便拿起來看。突然，他好象感到非常震驚。他看到了這樣的一句話，“昨天，他陪了我一個小時，我感覺到了天堂般幸福。我喜歡他這樣做。”他開始意識到一些曾被自己忽略了的事情。他一直以來都忙于工作，竟然不知道妻子是那么地需要自己。他回想起自己埋頭工作，置妻子于一邊的日子。翻看著簡的日記，他留意到幾句令他傷心欲絕的.話：“我一整天都在留意他的腳步聲，但現(xiàn)在為時已晚了，我想他今天不會來了。”
卡萊爾再讀了一會兒，然后丟下了日記本，沖出了屋外。朋友們在墓地里找到了他。他的臉粘滿了泥漿，眼睛哭得紅腫不堪，眼淚不停地在他臉龐上滑落, 他不停地念叨著, "如果我知道, 如果我知道……," 但一切對于卡萊爾來講都太晚了，簡已經(jīng)不在人世了。
自從簡死后, 卡萊爾就沒怎么再寫作了。據(jù)這位歷史學(xué)家稱，在他妻子死后的15年, 他的生活完全變了樣, 生活對于他來講是 “苦悶、無趣、寂寞的”。我把這個故事告訴大家，就是希望大家不要重蹈覆轍，悲劇重演。愛人是需要我們努力工作賺錢，但其實他(她)們更需要的是我們的愛。趁還來得及，去關(guān)懷你的愛人吧。
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